Kaye’s Inner Mind

I have always wanted to know what my destination is, not really focusing on the journey that I have to climb to get there.  But as I look upon the days I have been here, all those times that I struggle in finding that destination, I come to think that it is time for me to enjoy the journey too.  No matter what the destination is, what is important is that I have learned a lesson from every journey, every journey that will mold me into a more mature being, every journey that maybe filled with obstacles but will surely empower my weak and disheartened soul, every journey that I will spend with good friends or bad friends alike, every journey that might teach me how to loosen up and rekindle my zest for life.

I am ready now, to take that journey, the journey that might one day open my eyes for a better tomorrow.

How about you? Journey or destination?

kbk/121906

I am hurt, regretful of what i did, wishing that i shouldn’t have reacted that way, wishing that i shouldn’t have taken it seriously and just enjoyed the moment, wishing that i just took the chance to be happy once again, but it is too late now.  I have said too much already.  The damage has been done and I am afraid I cannot take it back anymore.

Why do I always do this to myself?  Why do I tend to scare away the people who I care for and might care for me?  Why do I do too much when I could have done it less.  Why did I overreact when I didn’t have too?  Why did I blew it out of the water even though it was just a petty thing?

If only you can read my blog entries (I don’t know if you do) you will know how regretful I am.  How I wish I could take back everything that I have said and just go with the flow with whatever this is, but I guess I have no face to write you anymore.  I have no face to tell you that I still have feelings for you.  I have no face to tell you that I am willing to take this chance wherever this may lead.  I have no face to tell you how I wish we could start all over again.

For the one who got away, I am so sorry….

I thought I have moved on. I thought it was okay for us to
be friends again, but the truth is, it is not. I still have feelings for him and he told me he still has feelings for
me too but then again he has no time for me or having a relationship for that
matter.

Sometimes I think maybe it is my fault? Why can’t I just
loosen up and not take things seriously? Why can’t I just easily adapt to the
so-called “Canadian dating scenario?” Why can’t I just have a good time with the guy I like and don’t expect
too much? But then again, knowing
myself I know if I reach that certain emotional level with somebody, I would be
crushed knowing that we cannot be more than friends.

I don’t know what to do right now. I am hurt. I am sad. I am bewildered. I would want to take back all the things that I have said and
just meet him and have fun. But at the
back of my mind I am thinking, can I handle the pain, the hurt, the thought of
not seeing him once again?

Why does it have to be so hard? Tell me.

I fell in love with this song the first time I heard it.  For those who know me well, you will know why.

http://www.esnips.com/doc/050a73a0-f04a-4224-b90b-377c31ce05c2/Panky-Trinidad–Cha-Fonacier–Behind-those-eyes

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Behind Those Eyes
Panky Trinidad & Chai Fonacier

The shadow lies a bit too long across my path
And it bleeds too much on blue grey gutters and fireflies
Black and cold into my shoes turn my skin blue
A little spider crawling out to weave around my heart in moonlight wind

CHORUS
And when you see my eyes, does your heart receive these words in mine
And when you close your eyes, do you see me in these dreams I hide
If I could steal one thing, I would grab your heart and make it mine
For your heart

INTERLUDE

Little thoughts and feelings found behind those eyes
I refuse to know the truth, to know the reason why you and I can never be
I try to build a wall, try to heal the hurt inside
But it pains me even more to know that it’s too late, that I’m too late

[Repeat CHORUS except last line]

Your heart

BRIDGE
‘Cause I can’t see your face every time I gaze those skies when I cry
Doesn’t feel so right but you can never be mine

[Repeat CHORUS except last line]

Make it mine
Does your heart receive these words in mine
Do you see me in these dreams I hide
I would grab your heart and make it mine
I would grab your heart and make it mine