Kaye’s Inner Mind

Happiness have I found you?  I don’t know.

I have been a good daughter, a good sister and a good friend.  In my 32 years of existence, I have always tried not to step on someone’s shoes, tried to please everybody, did everything I could for a friend, loved and failed and then loved and failed again.  The heartache goes on and on and on.

I don’t yearn too much, just a simple life I always say.  Having my family around and friends make them even more perfect.  But who am I not to yearn for more?  Who am I not to hope that someday I would find the happiness that I have been longing for.  Who am I not to wish that I can be happy like anybody else?  Isn’t that hard to ask?  Tell me.

Funny, a friend told me just now that I look good in my new pictures. Just playing with my phone, I told her.  And then I took a look at one picture, my eyes glisten, my hair shine, my lips smile, I look thin (eventhough I am fat, hehe), but then again I said to myself, it is just a picture.  A picture that has no meaning.  Glistening eyes, does that mean I am inlove?  Shiny hair, does that mean I am inspired?  Smiling lips, does that mean I am happy?  I don’t know….all is just a big facade, an epitome of what I want to be.

So if anybody asks me if I have found that happiness yet….I hope so, i hope so, but…..only time can tell.

kbk/07/23/06

This is the place where I sit

This is the part where I love you too much

This is as hard as it gets

Cause I’m getting tired of pretending I’m tough

I’m here if you want me

I’m yours, you can hold me

I’m empty and achin’

And tumblin’ and breakin’

Cause you don’t see me

And you don’t need me

And you don’t love me

The way I wish you would

The way I know you could

I dream a world where you understand

That I dream a million sleepless nights

Well I dream a fire when you’re touching my hand

But it twists into smoke when I turn on the lights

I’m speechless and faded

It’s too complicated

Is this how the book ends,

Nothing but good friends?

Cause you don’t see me

And you don’t need me

And you don’t love me

The way I wish you would

The way I wish you would

This is the place in my heart

This is the place where I’m falling apart

Isn’t this just where we met

And is this the last chance that I’ll ever get

I wish I was lonely

Instead of just only

Crystal and see-through

And not enough to you

Cause you don’t see me

And you don’t need me

And you don’t love me

The way I wish you would

Cause you don’t see me

And you don’t need me

And you don’t love me

The way I wish you would

The way I know you could