Kaye’s Inner Mind

MUSIC LINK:  http://www.imeem.com/people/CTiQh4s/music/elRaBX8a/no_air_jordin_sparks_ft_chris_brownmp3/

If I should die before I wake

It’s ’cause you took my breath away

Losing you is like living in a world with no air

Ohh

[Chris Brown]

I’m here alone, didn’t wanna leave

My heart won’t move, it’s incomplete

wish there was a way that I can make you understand

[Jordin Sparks]

But how do you expect me

to live alone with just me

‘Cause my world revolves around you

It’s so hard for me to breathe

[Chorus:][Both]

Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air

Can’t live, can’t breathe with no air

That´s how I feel whenever you ain’t there

that’s no air, no air

Got me out here in the water so deep

Tell me how you gonna be without me

If you ain’t here, I just can’t breathe

there’s no air, no air

No air, air[ohhh]

No air, air[nooo]

No air, air[oh a]

No air, air

[Chris Brown]

I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew

Right off the ground to float to you

There’s no gravity to hold me down for real

[Jordin Sparks]   

But somehow I’m still alive inside

You took my breath, but I survived

I don’t know how, but I don’t even care

[Both]

So how do you expect me

to live alone with just me

‘Cause my world revolves around you

It’s so hard for me to breathe

Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air

Can’t live, can’t breathe with no air

there’s how I feel whenever you ain’t there

there’s no air, no air

Got me out here in the water so deep

Tell me how you gonna be without me

If you ain’t here, I just can’t breathe

there’s no air, no air

No air, air[oohhh]

No air, air[oohhh]

No air, air[nooo]

No air, air[No more]

It’s no air, no air

ohhhhh baby

ooohhhhh It’s no air, no air

Hey [ohh] no aiiiiir [ohhh]

ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh

Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air

Can’t live, can’t breathe with no air

It’s how I feel whenever you ain’t there

no breathing[no breathing]

Got me out here in the water so deep

Tell me how you gonna be without me

If you ain’t here, I just can’t breathe

It’s no air, no air

Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air

Can’t live, can’t breathe with no air

It’s how I feel whenever you ain’t there

it’s no air no air

Got me out here in the water so deep

Tell me how you gonna be without me

If you ain’t here, I just can’t breathe

It’s no air, no air

No air, air[ohhh]

No air, air

No air, air

No air, air

I have remembered doing my part I of HAPPINESS HAVE I FOUND YOU last year and I was a different person then, different views, different dreams, different goals, different fears, different feelings.  Friends always tell me that it will come along in the most unexpected time and indeed that happened.  I have found a love that even words to describe it I cannot fathom.  I have found a wonderful guy who has a golden heart, would give up everything for the people he loves, would make you feel so special in all possible ways, would never cease to surprise you every time  you see each other as if it was always the first time, would always make you laugh even though you had such a bad day, would always raise your hopes that one day everything will be better, would always just make you smile even without any reason at all.

I see things different now.  He brought back the color in my life that faded a long long time ago.  He erased all the fears that I carried all these years alone.  He rekindled the feeling that I have kept all this time thinking I won’t be able to love somebody this way again or maybe even more.

As of now, I am taking each day as it comes, enjoying every moment that I spend with this wonderful being.  Only God knows where this will lead us, but for now I am so thankful and so blessed to have him in my life right now.  I couldn’t ask for more.

Thank you Glen Myers.  You make my life so complete.

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MUSIC:  http://profile.imeem.com/6Ovzwi/music/zgJTfMB3/i_finally_found_someone_from_the_mirror_has_two_faces/

I finally found someone

Who knocks me off my feet

I finally found the one

That makes me feel complete

It started over coffee
We started out as friends

It’s funny how from simple things

The best things begin

This time is different

And it’s all because of you

It’s better than it’s ever been

‘Cause we can talk it through

Ooh, my favorite line was

"Can I call you sometime"

It’s all you had to say

To take my breath away

CHORUS:
This is it, oh I finally found someone

Someone to share my life

I finally found the one

To be with every night

‘Cause whatever I do

It’s just got to be you

My life has just begun

I finally found someone

Did I keep you waiting? I didn’t mind

I apologize, baby that’s fine

I will wait forever just to know you are mine

You know I love your hair

Are you sure it looks right?

I love what you wear

Isn’t it too tight?

You’re exceptional

I can’t wait for the rest of my life

CHORUS:
This is it, oh I finally found someone

Someone to share my life

I finally found the one

To be with every night

‘Cause whatever I do

It’s just got to be you

My life has just begun

I finally found someone

And whatever I do

It’s just got to be you

My life has just begun

I finally found someone

May you always  have an angel by your side
Watching out for you in all the things you do
Reminding you to keep believing in brighter days
Finding ways for your wishes and dreams to take you to beautiful places
Giving you hope that is as certain as the sun
Giving you the strength of serenity as your guide
May you always have love and comfort and courage
And may you always have an angel by your side

And may you always have an angel by your side

*************************

Dear Friends,

Glen gave me this message through a card today and I can say I am so touched.  May all of you who happen to read my blog be touched too and realize that somehow in our lives we are touched by angels around us, be it through friends or our loved ones. Please never fail to acknowledge all the people that in one way or another has touched your life and have helped you pass all the struggles that come your way.  These people are God sent from above - a justification that angels really exist in any form they maybe.

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Thank you for always encouraging me and giving me hope that life can be better.  You told me to believe in my heart, to be thankful for the real friends that i have, and to try to be always happy when I am weary…those are words from a real angel.  I hope when you hear this song you will remember that once in your life we crossed paths.

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MUSIC:  http://shayantonio.imeem.com/music/OxxW1089/arms_of_an_angel/

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh, beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe
In this sweet madness
Oh, this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
In the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

I have always found that life has its ups
and downs.  It is either you get hurt or you end up hurting somebody
else.   There are times when you
have to decide and make harsh decisions not even thinking if you are
doing the right thing or not.  A friend told me that if you put your
heart in making that decision, then it is the right decision.

So I am making my decision now.  Enough is enough.  I won’t let anybody hurt me no more or worse hurt somebody else in the process.  I am leaving….when the right
time comes….soon, I hope.  Life is so short for me to be stuck in a place where I am not happy anymore.  Happiness is just
out there, somewhere, but not here.  I am not gonna stop until I find it….I am not gonna stop.

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I must admit God has been so good to me, need not elaborate why coz He knows, no complaints whatsoever.  But then as I suddenly look back, I have been a good daughter (as my mother would always tell me), I have been a good sister (even though my brother is shy to admit it), I have been a good friend to everybody (that is why sometimes a lot of them take advantage of that kindness).  In short, I am one h*ll of a person, just doing so much to please others than myself.  Yes, than myself…

I have always made my decisions in life in regard to my family’s well being.  I put them first on my list with whatever plan I do with my life.  No regrets though ‘coz they are the only ones I have got…the only persons who will love me unconditionally, who will stay with me even in my darkest days, they are the only people who I can say will support me all the way.

But why, tell me why I feel this way? I want to do something that I know is not my cup of tea, something that is out of bounds shall I say if you know the real Kaye.  I have set these criteria but then I might break it if I don’t stop myself soon.  I have dealt with this feeling once again, a feeling that I know is there, ready to bloom, ready to take a chance again.  But here I am confused,  weary, bothered, scared to make the wrong decision, asking myself "what if I didn’t take the risk and throw away that chance of being happy, will I be able to forgive myself?"  But then again, what if I did take the risk but suffer the consequences in the end because it didn’t work out?  If I did, there is no turning back and this will not only affect myself but my family as well.

I want to be happy, I really do, but I am just afraid to make that big step in my life, to take that risk even though I know it would be a complicated one.  I don’t know what to do? Will I stick with my own rules or will I deviate and just suffer the aftermath?  When will I have the courage to make that leap, be happy for once in my life and just worry later?

I don’t know…I really don’t know…I am just afraid of making the wrong decision, a decision that will greatly dictate the life I will lead.

kbk/021007

Just went home from church, walked 50mins actually, but it was fun coz the last time I walked by the riverfront was last summer, besides I needed the walk, hehe!

I cannot help but share what I heard from church today.  The gospel said, "Cast your nets in the deep waters and put your trust in the Lord."  It awakened me actually, felt guilty that sometimes I didn’t trust the Lord in what He is doing with my life.  But today, He told me to take that risk, go to the deep waters, and He will lead me the way.  Be thankful of what I have and don’t dwell on the things that I don’t have.  I will see in due time, in His time, He will give me what my heart has been longing for.

So I shouldn’t feel weary.  I should enjoy my life.  If it means being single for a while but having more time for myself and enjoying what life has to offer me, then so be it.  If along the way that special person will come my way and I am ready to take that risk to be with that person, then so be it.  Life is so short, so all I have to do is to learn to embrace it, be it good or bad.

Phew! I sound like a minister! Seriously, I feel good today.  My trip to church has opened my eyes.  I am willing to take that risk now, because I know the Lord will be behind me all the way.

(BC here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

kbk/020407

It was August 12, 2004 since I put my foot here in Canada, a big risk that I took, leaving my family behind, looking for greener pastures, longing that I can find happiness in a place that is new to me. I am thankful to God for bringing me here, having a decent job and earning dollars to send to my family back home, gained friends here and there, being independent and learning to stand on my own.  But after all these years, I must admit there are times when I regret going here.  Why am I actually here? What is my purpose? Did I make the right choice? Am I really happy or pretending to be?

Up until now I don’t know what to do with my life here.  There is no direction.  Blurred.  Empty space in front of me.  I just hope and pray that someday I will see the light that will lead me to the path that God has created just for me.

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I have always wanted to know what my destination is, not really focusing on the journey that I have to climb to get there.  But as I look upon the days I have been here, all those times that I struggle in finding that destination, I come to think that it is time for me to enjoy the journey too.  No matter what the destination is, what is important is that I have learned a lesson from every journey, every journey that will mold me into a more mature being, every journey that maybe filled with obstacles but will surely empower my weak and disheartened soul, every journey that I will spend with good friends or bad friends alike, every journey that might teach me how to loosen up and rekindle my zest for life.

I am ready now, to take that journey, the journey that might one day open my eyes for a better tomorrow.

How about you? Journey or destination?

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